I knew a person who had an addiction. His name was Jason. Jason was addicted to chewing gum. Particularly peppermint chewing gum. Every time I saw him, he was chomping away on his gum. Chomp, chomp, chomp, he would go.
But wait! There’s more! He was also a coffoholic. Jason loved coffee. He loved his coffee so much, sometimes he would drink his coffee while he chewed his gum. Jason’s chewing gum would turn brown and take on the taste of coffee rather than peppermint. Slurp, slurp, slurp, he would go.
One day, I was going to meet with Jason, but instead met his friend, Robert.
“Where is Jason?” I asked Robert.
Robert told me that I should sit down, but I didn’t listen. Robert said, “He’s been admitted to a rehab. I called them this morning when he called me and told me he was bouncing off the walls because of all the coffee he had. And when I went to his house, gum wrappers were everywhere!”
I nearly fainted! Robert and I drove to the rehab to visit Jason.
“Hello, Jason. How are you?” I asked him.
“Oh, I’m wonderful!” he said to me.
“But… you’re in a rehab, Jason! Don’t you know?” asked Robert.
“Yes. But they’re going to release me, and when they do, I know where my coffee and gum will be waiting for me.”
I still know Jason and visit him regularly. I try to pick all of the gum wrappers off of the floor, and I pick up smashed Starbucks coffee cups. Jason always asks me to get him some more coffee and chewing gum, but I tell him no. I lay down the law. But he never listens.
And one day, he’ll be back in the doghouse.
A/N: This is a work of fiction.